Midnight ramblings

Please forgive me for rambling on this post, I’m really tired tonight from shoveling the driveway.  There is so much snow out there!

Doc is working another 30 shift tonight.  Well… I guess technique it’s a 28 hour shift, but who counting?

He left for work at 5:30 this morning and won’t be home until after 9:00 tomorrow morning… give or take a little.

I miss him.

I always miss him when he has to work these shifts… which is usually every other week end.

He always comes home so tired, and I worry about him when he drives home after being on his feet for so long.

Very rarely at the hospital it slows down enough for him to sneak in a nap.  The longest nap he’s ever gotten was 45 minutes.  There are many times when he is literally on his feet the entire shift running from patient to patient, and squeezing in the necessary paper work whenever he can find a minute. 

The life of a doctor is not glamorous.  It’s hard work.  Harder work for him than when he worked on rebuilding hot rods… or working construction in 120 degree weather in Arizona for 12 hour days.  The stress level is unimaginable.  He tells me about some cases that he sees, but not all… but I can see it in his eyes when he’s had a hard day.

Tonight I’m grateful for doctors.

I’m grateful for their hard work and dedication.  I’m grateful that they can stomach seeing someone hurt and bleeding, and stay focused to fix the problem.  I’m grateful for their study ethic.  I know the long hours and thousands of pages read each week (yes WEEK) to pass endless tests in medical school… and the testing continues throughout their career. 

It’s a demanding job.  Both on the physician and the family of the physician. 

Doc and I have been married just over 11 years now, and we’ve been in the “schooling” phase this whole time.  (I say we because, although I’m not currently enrolled as a student, I’m still going through this experience with him).  Most people are in and out of school/college in 4 years.  I wish. 

We still have 2 ½ years of residency left. 

We will have been married for 14 years before he finally is able to get a “real” job.

I’m so ready for that.  I’m so ready to get a job somewhere and settle down.  We’ve lived in 5 different cities over the course of our marriage. 

I’ve worked as a waitress and off and on babysitting for others to help make ends meet… Of course I still am. 

We are in debt $350,000 in student loans alone!

I’m sorry for venting here.  I just miss my husband so much. 

I’m so proud of him.

But I selfishly want him here with me… especially at night.

My boys are sleeping on the floor again tonight.  I don’t know why the prefer to sleep there, but honestly, when Doc is working over night, I prefer them sleeping close to me.  I take comfort in hearing their breathing.  It reminds me that I’m not alone. 

And although undergraduate, medical school and now residency has been a bit harder for us because we have kids.  It’s also been easier because we have kids.  They remind me every day of what is really important.  They remind me that we are working so hard so that someday (hopefully) we won’t have to work as hard.  I hope to someday go on a vacation with my family and celebrate making it through this adventure together as a family. 

We love each other, and support each other.  There is no other way we could possibly make it through without each other.

I’m so grateful for doctors and all they do for others. 

I’m so grateful for my Doc and all he does for me and our family.